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so well it's like you're my real lover, the reason I can't stay attached to anyone, making a heaven out of beginning again & you knock at my voice as if I could speak you back in as mine & I had time enough to learn the secret of cruelty as if that made it lose its power over me, its antics failing notice,
but it lives in us all like a question we can't answer but keep trying because it feels good to & the secret is it can't last, & that is when it hurts— we who can't bear to lose & stitch to any nothing that acts like a landing place but turns out to be a fissure, we pretend voices tell us it's music & familiar or alien we listen, it's only a dance
"'Violence, I know you' is written after Alice Notley's book In the Pines. It is part of a new series I'm working on, where the speaker is a ghost—an ancestor navigating the legacy of her secrets while communicating the importance of voice, intuition, and self-knowledge to her descendants." —Khadijah Queen
Khadijah Queen is the author of I'm So Fine: A List of Famous Men & What I Had On, forthcoming next week from YesYes Books. She teaches in the Mile-High MFA program at Regis University.
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