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Papyrus by Ezra Pound   Spring . . . . . . . Too long . . . . . . Gongula . . . . . .                                           Today's poem is in the public domain.     Work by Pound   Poems and Translations (Library of America, 2003)           Poem-A-Day Launched in 2006, Poem-A-Day features new and previously unpublished poems by contemporary poets on weekdays and classic poems on weekends. Browse the Poem-A-Day archive.    June 1, 2013 Ezra Pound was born on October 30, 1885, in what was then Idaho Territory. Pound is renowned not just as a poet, but also as an editor responsible for promoting much of Modernist poetry as we know it. He died in 1972. Related Poems [O were my love yon Lilac fair] by Robert Burns Vernal Equinox by Amy Lowell Under the Willows [May is a pious fraud of the almanac] by James Russell Lowell Thanks for being a part of the Academy of American Poets community. To learn about other programs, including National Poetry Month, Poem In Your Pocket Day, the annual Poets Forum, and more, visit Poets.org.

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A farmer goes in half with a friend to buy a bull so he can increase his stock.

 

A couple of weeks later the friend comes by to see how his investment is doing. The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and won't look at the cows.

 

His friend suggests that a veterinarian have a look at the bull.

 

The following week his friend returns to see if the vet helped.

 

The farmer looks delighted: "The bull has taken care of all my cows, broke through the fence, and has even serviced all my neighbor's cows! "Wow," says his friend, "what did the vet do to that bull?" "Just gave him some pills'" said the farmer.

 

"What kind of pills?" asked his friend.

 

"I don't know, but they sort of taste like peppermint."

 

----------------------------

 

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. "She's incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards." said one doctor. "Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of Percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!"

 

The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy nearly exploded!"

 

Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down the hall. "Oh my God!" said the first doctor, "I just realized I told Nurse Jenny to prick Mr. Smith's boil!"

 

----------------------------

 

A guy walks into a doctors office with a 5 iron wrapped around his neck and 2 black eyes. "What happened to you?" asked the doctor. "Well it all started when my wife and I were golfing and by accident she hit the ball into a cow field. When we went to investigate, I saw the ball in a cow's ass. I went and lifted the tail of the cow and that's when I made my mistake."

 

The doctor looked puzzled and asked, "What mistake was that?"

 

"I said 'Hey this looks like yours hun!'"

 

----------------------------

 

A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped.

 

"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.

 

After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.

 

"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25..."

 

----------------------------

 

A man went into a store and began looking around. He saw a washer and dryer, but there was no price listed on them. He asked the sales person "How much are the washer and dryer?"

 

"Five dollars for both of them," the salesman said.
"Yeah right, you've got to be kidding me!" the man replied sarcastically.
"No, that's the price," the salesman said, "Do you want to buy them or not?"
"Yeah, I'll take them!" the customer responded.

 

He continued to look around and saw a car stereo system with a detachable face cassette player, a CD changer, amplifier, speakers, and subwoofers. "How much?" he asked.

 

"Five dollars for the system," the salesman answered.
"Is it stolen?" the guy asks.
"No," said the salesman, "It's brand new, do you want it or not?"
"Sure," the customer replied. He looked around some more.

 

Next he found a top of the line computer with printer and monitor. "How much?"
"Five dollars," was the familiar response.
"I'll take that too!" the man said.

 

As the salesperson is ringing up the purchases, the man asked him,
"Why are your prices so cheap?"

 

The salesman said, "Well, the owner of the store is at my house right now with my wife.
What he's doing to her, I'm doing to his business!"

 

----------------------------

 

A police officer pulls a man over for speeding. As the officer approaches the car he can see that the man is very anxious about something.
"Good afternoon Sir. Do you know why I stopped you?"
"Yes, officer... I know I was speeding -- but it is a matter of life or death."
"Oh, really? How's that?"
"There's a naked woman waiting for me at home."
"I don't see how that is a matter of life or death."
"If I don't get home before my wife does, I'm a dead man."

 

----------------------------

 

A trucker goes into a whorehouse and hands the Madam five hundred dollars. He says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich." The Madam says, "For that kind of money, you could have one of my finest girls and surf and turf." The trucker says, "I'm not horny, I'm homesick."

 

----------------------------

 

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

 

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:

 

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

 

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?"

 

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.

 

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"

 

His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

 

Broken Coffee Table: $239.99. Hot Breakfast: $4.20. Two Aspirins: $.38. Saying the right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS!!!

 

----------------------------

 

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

 

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

 

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?" The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot."

 

The old lady suggested, " Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand; put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"

 

"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."

 

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"

 

The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, an, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

 

The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."

 

----------------------------

 

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber began to lather his face and sharpen the old straight edge while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room."

 

She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that."

 

The cowboy said, "Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference." She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you."

 

----------------------------

 

A guy starts a new job, and the boss says, "If you marry my daughter, I'll make you a partner, give you an expense account, a Mercedes, and a million dollar annual salary."

 

The guy says, "What's wrong with her?"

 

The boss shows him a picture, and she's hideous.

 

The boss says, "It's only fair to tell you, she's not only ugly, she's as dumb as a wall."

 

The guy says, "I don't care what you offer me, it ain't worth it."

 

The boss says, "I'll give you a five million dollar salary and build you a mansion on Long Island."

 

The guy accepts, figuring he can put a bag over her head when they have sex.

 

About a year later, the guy buys an original Van Gogh and he's about to hang it on the wall.

 

He climbs a ladder and yells to his wife, "Bring me a hammer."

 

She mumbles, "Get the hammer. Get the hammer," and she fetches the hammer.

 

The guy says, "Get me some nails."

 

She mumbles, "Get the nails. Get the nails," and she gets him some nails.

 

The guys starts hammering a nail into the wall, he hits his thumb, and he yells, "Fuck!"

 

She mumbles, "Get the bag. Get the bag."

 

----------------------------

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Quote Lady's Quote of the Day Volume 16, Number 152
ISSN 1534-3073

Quote for Saturday, June 1, 2013

Today's quote suggested by Larry Nyland


The power of love and caring can change the world.
~ James Autry


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Random Cuteness Captured in Photographs

 

Pinterest is a social media site that works like a virtual bulletin board. People pin images from all over the web to share with friends and get creative inspiration. Here are ten of the funniest pins we found recently while browsing!

 

We doubt those toys are quite as cute as these...

 

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Say "backpack"!

 

Seems legit.

 

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The future scares us.

 

Zing!

 

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Not the look she was going for....

 

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