Day 1.
Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much
to celebrate. When it came time to re-enact our wedding
night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried.
Day 2.
Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's
impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know.
Why doesn't he tell me something I don't know! I mean, he
actually thinks I haven't noticed.
Day 3.
This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday,
I saw a picture of Nelson's Column and burst into tears.
Day 4.
A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market
that will fix his 'problem.' It's called Viagra. I told him
that if he takes Viagra, things will be just like they were
on our wedding night. I think this will work. I replaced
his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other
than his mood.
Day 5.
What absolute bliss!!.
Day 6.
Isn't life wonderful but it's difficult to write while he's
doing that.
Day 7.
This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended!
Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like
a Whopper. He thought they were talking about him. But,
have to admit it's very nice - I don't think I've ever been
so happy.
Day 8.
I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday,
instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a
weed whacker. I'm also getting a bit sore down there.
Day 9.
No time to write. He might catch me.
Day 10.
Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take
so much. And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra
down with neat whisky! What am I going to do? I feel tacky
all over....
Day 11.
I'm basically being screwed to death. It's like living with
a Black and Decker drill. I woke up this morning hot-glued
to the bed. Even my armpits hurt. He's a complete pig.
Day 12.
I wish he was gay. I've stopped wearing make-up, cleaning
my teeth or even washing but he still keeps coming after me!
Even yawning has become dangerous ...
Day 13.
Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's
like going to bed with a scud missile. I can hardly walk
and if he tries that "Oops, sorry" thing again, I'll kill
the bastard.
Day 14.
I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working.
I even started dressing like a nun but this just seems to
make him more horny. Help me.
Day 15.
I think I'll have to kill him. I'm starting to stick to
everything I sit on. The cat and dog won't go near him and
our friends don't come over any more. Last night I told
him to go and fuck himself and he did.
Day 16.
The bastard has started to complain about headaches. I hope
the bloody thing explodes. I did suggest he might try
stopping the Viagra and going back on Prozac.
Day 17.
Switched the pills but it doesn't seem to have made any
difference......Christ !!! here he comes again.
Day 18.
He's back on Prozac. The lazy sod just sits there in front
of the TV all day with that remote control in his hand and
expects me to do everything for him. What absolute bliss!!.
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