[Fropki] Laughter is the Best Medicine (Shared by: Murli dhar Gupta)

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A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined."

 

"It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.

 

"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?"

 

"Oh no! This judge is a stickler or ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge."

 

Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked!"

 

"I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them."

 

"But, I did send them."

 

"What? You did?" said the lawyer, incredulously.

 

"Yes. That's how we won the case."

 

"I don't understand," said the lawyer. "It's easy.

 

I sent the cigars to the judge, but enclosed the plaintiff's business card."

 

----------------------------------------------

 

This is a transcript between a commuter and the railroad company, regarding services of the latter.

 

"Gentlemen:

 

I have been riding trains daily for the last twenty-two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day.

 

I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip.

 

I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago.
 

 

Yours truly,
A Commuter

 

The Reply to the above:

 

Dear Sir:

 

We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history.

 

The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot.

 

Sincerely,
Western Railways"

 

And the Counter-Reply was:

 

"Gentlemen: I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible, Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass...

 

That, gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last twenty-two years!

 

Yours truly,
A Commuter

 

-----------------------------------

 

Two friends, one blonde, are walking down the street when the brunette sees her husband going into a florists -

 

"Oh no, my husband is buying me flowers again for no reason,

 

and he always has expectations, I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."

 

The blonde says : "Don't you have a vase?"

 

--------------------------------------

 

A newlywed couple who were both avid baseball fans attended a Cubs "Loveable Losers" game.

 

They were still on their honeymoon and very affectionate, hugging and kissing so much that they weren't able to follow the game.

 

In order to be able to follow the game better
 the young bride says,

 

"I've got an idea, honey,
 You kiss me on the strikes
 and I'll kiss you on the balls."

 

-------------------------------------------------------

 

'FINE'
This is the word women use to end an argument when
they feel they are right and you need to shut up.
Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks -
this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

 

-------------------------------------------------------

 

 At a recent USC football game a college student challenged a senior citizen sitting next to him saying it was impossible for their generation to understand his.

 

"You grew up in a different world,

 

 You didn't have nuttin' and we have everything!"
 the student said loud enough for the whole crowd to hear.

 

 "Today we have  television, jet planes, space travel,  man has walked on the Moon, our spaceships have visited Mars, we even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing  and....uh.."

 

Taking advantage of a pause in the student's litany, the senior citizen said,

 

 "You're right.  We didn't have those things when we were young; so we invented them for you, you little shit!

 

 What the heck are you doing for the next generation??"
 

 

 I love senior citizens!

 

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