| | Epistle: Leaving Dear train wreck, dear terrible engines, dear spilled freight, dear unbelievable mess, all these years later I think to write back. I was not who I am now. A sail is a boat, a bark is a boat, a mast is a boat and the train was you and me. Dear dark, dear paper, dear files I can't toss, dear calendar and visitation schedule, dear hello and goodbye. If a life is one thing and then another; if no grasses grow through the tracks; if the train wreck is a red herring; if goodbye then sincerely. Dear disappeared bodies and transitions, dear edge of a good paragraph. Before the wreck, we misunderstood revision. I revise things now. I teach pertinence. A girl in class told us about some boys who found bodies on the tracks then went back and they were gone, the bodies. It was true that this story was a lie, like all things done to be seen. I still think about this story, what it would be like to be a boy finding bodies out in the woods, however they were left--and think of all the ways they could be left. There I was, teaching the building of a good paragraph, dutiful investigator of sentences, thinking dear boys, dear stillness in the woods, until, again, there is the boy I knew as a man whose father left him at a gas station, and unlike the lie of the girl's story, this one is true--he left him there for good. Sometimes this boy, nine and pale, is sitting next to me, sitting there watching trains go past the gas station in Wyoming, thinking there is a train going one way, and a train going the other way, each at different and variable speeds: how many miles before something happens that feels like answers when we write them down-- like solid paragraphs full of transitional phrases and compound, complex sentences, the waiting space between things that ends either in pleasure or pain. He keeps showing up, dear boy, man now, and beautiful like the northern forest, hardwoods iced over. Copyright © 2013 by Kerrin McCadden. Used with permission of the author. |
About This Poem "I was thinking about synecdoche and the mathematics of meaning--how one thing can be something else, or a piece of it, and how this washes through a life. I wanted, also, to write a letter to the idea of leaving, and so this poem began to be what it is. What ends up being true, I think, is that meaning slips and slides; writing tries to catch it and hold it still." --Kerrin McCadden |
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| | | Kerrin McCadden's first collection of poems, Landscape with Plywood Silhouettes, is forthcoming from New Issues Press in spring 2014. McCadden lives in Plainfield, Vermont. | Related Poems by Kazim Ali by Monica Ferrell by W.S. Merwin |
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