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Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Poem-A-Day: Toad by Diane Seuss

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November 19, 2013
Toad
by Diane Seuss


The grief, when I finally contacted it 
decades later, was black, tarry, hot, 
like the yarrow-edged side roads 
we walked barefoot in the summer. 
 
Sometimes we'd come upon a toad 
flattened by a car tire, pressed into 
the softened pitch, its arms spread out 
a little like Jesus, and it was now 
 
part of the surface of the road, part 
of the road's story. Then there was 
the live toad I discovered under 
the poison leaves of the rhubarb, 
 
hiding there among the ruby stems, 
and if you ate those stems raw, 
enough of them, you'd shit yourself 
for days. It isn't easy to catch a living 
 
thing and hold it until it pees on you 
in fear. Its skin was the dull brown 
of my father's clothes, my grandfather's 
clothes as he stood behind the barber's 
 
chair, clipping sideburns, laying a warm 
heap of shaving cream over a bristly chin, 
sharpening his straight razor and swiping it 
over the foam-covered cheek of my father, 
 
who often shaved twice a day, his beard 
was so obstinate, even in the hospital bed. 
When I laid a last kiss on his young cheek, 
the scraping hurt my lips. Do you ever 
 
wonder, in your heart of hearts, 
if God loves you, if the angels love you, 
scowling, holding their fiery swords, 
radiating green light? If your father 
 
loved you, if he had room to love you, 
given his poverty and suffering, or if 
a coldness had set in, a cold-bloodedness, 
like Keats at the end, wanting a transfusion 
 
of the reader's life blood so he could live 
again. Either way, they're all safely 
underground, their gentleness or ferocity, 
their numb love, and my father's 
 
tar-colored hair, and the fibers of his good 
suit softened by wood tannins, 
and grandfather's glass eye with its 
painted-on mud-colored iris, 
 
maybe all that's left of him in that walnut 
box, and Keats and his soft brown clothes, 
and the poets before and after him. 
But their four-toed emissary sits 
 
in my hand. I feel the quickening pulse 
through its underbelly. Hooded eyes, 
molasses-tinged, unexpressive, 
the seam of its mouth glued shut.

 

 

Copyright © 2013 by Diane Seuss. Used with permission of the author.

 

About This Poem

"The poem began with a toad. It had been a long time since I'd seen one. Maybe my life had gone in another direction. I followed it deep, into grief and some cold-blooded questions. The poem ends with the same toad."

 

--Diane Seuss
Most Recent Book by Seuss



(University of Massachusetts Press, 2010) 

 

 

 

 

 

Poem-A-Day
Launched during National Poetry Month in 2006, Poem-A-Day features new and previously unpublished poems by contemporary poets on weekdays and classic poems on weekends. Browse the Poem-A-Day Archive.  

Diane Seuss is the author of Wolf Lake, White Gown Blown Open (University of Massachusetts Press, 2010). Her new book Four-Legged Girl is forthcoming from Graywolf Press in 2015. She is a Writer in Residence at Kalamazoo College.

 


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Rae Armantrout is the judge for the 2014 Walt Whitman first book award. Submit your manuscript online. Deadline: December 1.

 



 
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