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Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Poem-A-Day: A Tyrant Seeks Conclusion in the Known Self by Emily Kendal Frey

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December 17, 2013
A Tyrant Seeks Conclusion in the Known Self
by Emily Kendal Frey


In California we went to the dive bar and I lost my 
wallet

 

I remember falling into it 

 

And maybe kissing against someone's garage 

 

I fell on city sidewalks 

 

In California and other places 

 

The trees looked at me tenderly 

 

I'm guessing 

 

You do not love me because your mom did not love 
you 

 

I understand the equation 

 

Meanwhile, I make a butter fire in the kitchen 

 

Two times I heat the butter for the eggs 

 

Both times I burn it 

 

Just observe, I tell 

 

My students, describe what is 

 

The woman next to me on the airplane 

 

Moves pictures from her wallet to her pocket 

 

In case we die 

 

I cry with my eyes closed and the Sprite goes by 

 

The unconscious drives us to master 

 

The childhood situation 

 

I wonder if there are spiders 

 

Here, in the carpet or between the seats 

 

A place with bugs is so 

 

Much more friendly 

 

The book I am reading tells me 

 

Ours is an earthbound crisis 

 

That until we cease to dominate 

 

With doing, we will fail 

 

At being 

 

My fingernails 

 

Are the color of rotten peaches 

 

On Orcas Island there's a stone tower on top of 
Mt. Constitution 

 

Some days you can see for miles, the many 

 

Mountain ranges and pine-crusted bodies 

 

In my mind 

 

I practice dying 

 

I throw myself over the edge 

 

The plane is making its way into the streaking 

 

Sun of this country 

 

In Mexico I slept in a clay structure facing the ocean 

 

I could hear the wind constantly 

 

I bought you a tin heart with a hole in it 

 

I brought it back in my backpack 

 

In bed you said Don't make fun of me 

 

When I'm old, okay? 

 

When I think of your face 

 

I have to think of me 

 

You are holding my knee 

 

And now I look into you 

 

Now I look up and face 

 

The abject fear 

 

I am an animal 

 

The bedroom is trees 

 

Go limp a voice tells me 

 

When a person passes me on their way to the restroom

 

I pretend they are the kindly face 

 

Of god 

Look deep into the eyes 

 

Of the divine 

 

It's so beautiful isn't it 

 

To believe you are looking 

 

At the future 


 

 

Copyright © 2013 by Emily Kendal Frey. Used with permission of the author.

About This Poem
"We all want to know the future: who we'll be, where, with who, and when. We think our minds will keep us safe, but they won't. I don't want my plane to fall from the sky with a black heart. When I'm up there I try to feel all the love I'm afraid of on the ground."

--Emily Kendal Frey
Most Recent Book by Frey



 

The Grief Performance

(Cleveland State University Poetry Center, 2011)

Poem-A-Day
Launched during National Poetry Month in 2006, Poem-A-Day features new and previously unpublished poems by contemporary poets on weekdays and classic poems on weekends. Browse the Poem-A-Day Archive. 
 

Emily Kendal Frey is the author of The Grief Performance (Cleveland State University Poetry Center, 2011). Her second book, Sorrow Arrow, is forthcoming from Octopus Books in 2014. She lives in Portland, Oregon. 

 


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