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Thursday, February 27, 2014

Poem-A-Day: To My Oldest Friend, Whose Silence Is Like a Death by Lloyd Schwartz

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February 27, 2014

To My Oldest Friend, Whose Silence Is Like a Death

by Lloyd Schwartz


In today's paper, a story about our high school drama

teacher evicted from his Carnegie Hall rooftop apartment

 

made me ache to call you--the only person I know

who'd still remember his talent, his good looks, his self-

 

absorption. We'd laugh (at what haven't we laughed?), then

not laugh, wondering what became of him. But I can't call,

 

because I don't know what became of you.

 

--After sixty years, with no explanation, you're suddenly

not there. Gone. Phone disconnected. I was afraid

 

you might be dead. But you're not dead.

 

You've left, your landlord says. He has your new unlisted

number but insists on "respecting your privacy." I located

 

your oldest son, who refuses to tell me anything except that

you're alive and not ill. Your ex-wife ignores my letters.

 

What's happened? Are you in trouble? Something

you've done? Something I've done?

 

We used to tell each other everything: our automatic

reference points to childhood pranks, secret codes,

 

and sexual experiments. How many decades since we started

singing each other "Happy Birthday" every birthday?

 

(Your last uninhibited rendition is still on my voice mail.)

 

How often have we exchanged our mutual gratitude--the easy

unthinking kindnesses of long friendship.

 

This mysterious silence isn't kind. It keeps me

up at night, bewildered, at some "stage" of grief.

 

Would your actual death be easier to bear?

 

I crave your laugh, your quirky takes, your latest

comedy of errors. "When one's friends hate each other,"

 

Pound wrote near the end of his life, "how can there be

peace in the world?" We loved each other. Why why why

 

am I dead to you?

 

Our birthdays are looming. The older I get, the less and less

I understand this world,

 

and the people in it.

   

 

Copyright © 2014 by Lloyd Schwartz. Used with permission of the author.

About This Poem 

"This poem was written out of great sadness, about the sudden and inexplicable loss, though not the literal death, of a friend--my oldest friend, a friend since childhood. It's a common trope to address a poem to someone we know won't read it--someone who has actually died, a former lover, even a lost object. The act of putting our losses into words and letting the world eavesdrop seems some sort of consolation, or at least an acknowledgement that we all suffer such losses. Here, the most painful element is the very mystery of this disconnection, which for me gives Pound's poignant late-in-life lament such particular resonance."

--Lloyd Schwartz 

Most Recent Book by Schwartz





Cairo Traffic

(University of Chicago Press, 2000)  

 

 

 

Poem-A-Day
Launched during National Poetry Month in 2006, Poem-A-Day features new and previously unpublished poems by contemporary poets on weekdays and classic poems on weekends. Browse the Poem-A-Day Archive.  
 

Lloyd Schwartz's most recent book of poetry is Cairo Traffic (University of Chicago Press, 2000). He teaches at the University of Massachusetts in Boston.  


Related Poems
by Jason Shinder 
Mending Wall
by Robert Frost 
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