He came back from halfway around the world like that, tongue tied around him like a scarf. Everything set before him set to bursting. The fear that what he'd seen— what had been inside him—that one clear note—now would slip away. He'd go back to an electric life, stupid with administration. How does one re-enter a calendar? He was still in love with the yellow dirt seen at the hour of the museum's closing, two weeks before the Palio. With the sound he almost certainly heard his blood make as he ate the last bite of liver toast and finished off his wine, at night, in a tower beside a total field. Or the remarkable look a girl had given the bushes at 3 a.m. on a hill above the Aegean before she let him pull her pool-soaked dress up above her thighs. He was still in love with all the cataclysms in his flesh. Even though none of that was real anymore. And it was his human duty to go onward, forget it all, get caught back up in the cloud of the thing. The next morning he woke up, fully home, ignorant as ever, just perhaps a light along the edge of responsibility, the tasks that called him by a name. As if their stress and weight existed only didn't. A brief glimpse, and then that part of what's just in the mind scampering back into undergrowth. (They called it capriola, which was perfect.) And then—drawing himself out of bed and lacing up his shoes. Getting out and running among buildings, the stacked reds and blues of Brooklyn. Gaping at the faces of his neighbors, or the way a leaf hangs, or a swatch of pavement wet between parked cars. Huffing widely at it, and running a little slower. Gathering it all up into his mouth. Copyright © 2016 Jay Deshpande. Used with permission of the author. |
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